I just found a bunch of old files from my long-gone website that I made when I was a freshman in college and partly in high school. I still think this stuff is funny, so I'll share it here from time to time.
World Ideologies as Explained by Reference to
Cows
Feudalism
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government
gives you all the milk you need.
Bureaucratic Socialism
Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the
chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives
you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them,
and sells you the milk.
Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share
the milk.
Real World Communism
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker about
who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works,
no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all
the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.
Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the
milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.
Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk
is banned.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
British Democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheeps' brains and they go mad. The government
doesn't do anything.
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them
and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes
both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it
requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors
try to take the cows and kill you.
Pure Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows, because
you don't have any cows to put up as collateral. Environmentalism
You have two
cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.
Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallo
centric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently - aged (but no less
valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.
Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
| 
